Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
