i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
