we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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