Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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