What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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