remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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