Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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