Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
