there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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