All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize