He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
