I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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