thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She even gives head with a lisp.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
