it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
