Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
