How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
