I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
