i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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