You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
