I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
