That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
