who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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