the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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