Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize