Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize