I like to think it a success when the cops are called
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
