shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I did not marry a roomba.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
