I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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