I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
