dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
