i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
