This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
should my penis look like a turkey
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
