think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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