my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
