Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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