After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
