i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
