I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
