What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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