Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
