all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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