If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i think i just lost a toe
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
