Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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