I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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