I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize