Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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