It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
