Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
