This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
