Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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