we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
