so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
