Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
