I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
