it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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