Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
