Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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