a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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