I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
