First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
