just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
