You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
