the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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