New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
