You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize