Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
